Negotiation Is Not a Battle — It’s a Dance

Over the past 20 years leading commercial organisations around the world, I have negotiated well over 1,000 contracts.

Some were small one-time agreements, others were complex multi-year, multi-country contracts worth millions of dollars.

Early in my career, I saw negotiation as many people do — a battle. A process where each side tries to win, defend their position, and push for the best possible outcome.

Over time, developed a different perspective.

Negotiations are not a battle.They are a dance.

A well-orchestrated performance where each move is intentional, carefully timed, and thoughtfully performed.

Once you understand the rhythm and the rules of that dance, negotiations become far less stressful — and sometimes even enjoyable. Here a few principles that have consistently shaped the way I approach negotiations.

1. Negotiations happen all the time

Negotiation is not something that happens only when you sit down to sign a contract.

In reality, we negotiate every day. At work. At home. In almost every interaction:

When we ask colleagues to prioritise something important for us.

When a client asks us to go beyond the scope of an agreement.

When we try to convince our children to clean their room.

Almost every interaction with the world involves discussion, alignment, and negotiation.

Understanding this helps us see negotiation not as a confrontation, but as a normal part of human interaction.

2. Negotiation is not about winning

Negotiation is not about defeating the other side. It is about finding a solution where both parties feel satisfied with the outcome, while still achieving your own objectives. The idea of “winning” a negotiation is, in my opinion, often misleading.

Think about it this way.

If negotiation were a marriage, every discussion with your partner would technically be a negotiation. But in those moments you are not trying to win. You are trying to find a solution that works for both of you — one that keeps the relationship healthy and moving forward.

The same is true in business.

Every strategic commercial agreement is, in many ways, a long-term relationship — a commitment with many variables involved. Of course, there is always the possibility of “divorce” in business. But in most cases, both parties benefit far more when they invest the effort to find a workable compromise.

Because the best negotiations are not the ones where someone wins. They are the ones where both sides want to keep working together afterwards.

3. Negotiations are rarely about price

One of the biggest mistakes people make in negotiations is focusing only on price. In reality, every negotiation contains many variables — and price is just one of them. When negotiating a contract, it is critical to understand what truly matters to the other side:

What pressures are they facing?

What objectives are they trying to achieve?

What constraints are shaping their decisions?

Sometimes you can achieve a better financial outcome by adjusting other variables. Expanding the scope of work. Changing timelines. Adding conditions or services. Reframing the structure of the agreement. Great negotiators widen the conversation. They move the discussion beyond a single number and look for creative ways to create value for both sides.

But this requires something equally important. You must also be clear about your own priorities.

What are you willing to compromise on?

What is truly non-negotiable?

Where can flexibility create a better outcome?

Because the best negotiations are not about pushing harder on price. They are about understanding the full landscape of value.

4. Prepare your moves

Strategic negotiations are rarely concluded in a single round. And if they are — you probably left something on the table. In my experience, when a client agrees too quickly, it often means one thing: You asked for too little.

One of the most common mistakes in negotiations is starting with exactly the outcome you hope to achieve. When you do that, you leave no space for movement. There is no distance between your initial offer, your walk-away point, and your negotiation range. And when there is no space — negotiations often get stuck in a deadlock.

That is why experienced negotiators usually start higher than what they ultimately need.

Not as a trick, but as a way to create room for discussion and compromise.

Preparation is essential. Before entering a negotiation, you should know:

• your walk-away point

• which elements are non-negotiable

• where you have flexibility

Strong negotiators also plan their concessions in advance.

What are you willing to give?

When will you give it?

And what will you ask for in return?

Negotiation is rarely about a single move. It is a sequence of carefully planned steps.

5. Use the power of silence

In a previous post I wrote about the power of silence, and it plays an equally important role in negotiations. Many negotiators make the mistake of overselling their position. They present an offer…And then keep talking. Explaining. Justifying. Trying to convince.

In reality, once you make a clear statement, the most powerful move is often to stop talking.

Make your offer. State your position. Then stay silent. Silence creates space for the other side to think, react, and respond. And often the person who is comfortable with silence holds more control over the conversation.

6. Be ready for emotions and deadlines

Negotiations are rarely purely rational. Experienced negotiators often bring strong emotions into the room. They may raise their voice.Show frustration.Create urgency.Or introduce tight deadlines. These tactics are designed to apply pressure. Deadlines in particular are a classic negotiation tool. Sometimes they are real. Sometimes they are simply strategic pressure. Understanding this is important.

Because once you recognise these moves as part of the negotiation dynamic, they become much less intimidating. They are simply another step in the dance.

7. Nothing is agreed until everything is agreed

And one last thing, just when you think the negotiation is over — and you are ready to celebrate — something often happens. The other side may introduce one last “small” request.

At the end of a long negotiation, when everyone is tired and relieved to have reached agreement, it is tempting to accept that final request quickly just to close the deal.

That is exactly why this moment requires extra attention. Pause. Think carefully about what this “small” thing actually means for you. Because in negotiations there is an important principle:

Nothing is agreed until everything is agreed. Even a small change can shift the balance of the entire deal.

Final thought

The best negotiators are not aggressive fighters. They are attentive dancers. They listen carefully. Anticipate the next move. And adjust their steps accordingly. Because negotiation, at its best, is not about defeating the other side. It is about finding the rhythm that allows both partners to move forward together.